A Modest Analysis
Ratty-Catty’s Lampooning of the Messaging Market
It seems like it’s about once a year that Ratty-Catty likes to come out with a new “industry analysis” that compares Domino to Exchange. Their latest, “IBM Lotus & Microsoft – Corporate Messaging Market Analysis” has to be the best one yet. Although the last couple have been very favorable towards Microsoft, it looks like they’ve finally taken a more honest look at Lotus’ offering and decided that it was superior. Apparently, their analysts have also developed a sense of humor, and decided to publish their latest report in the form of satire. With tongue firmly enough in cheek to do Robert Altman proud, Ratty-Catty proclaims “Over the next four years, we expect that IBM Lotus’ new Workplace strategy, although innovative, will result in falling market share for the company. Microsoft on the other hand, by focusing on the key concerns of today’s corporations, including security, reliability and scalability, will enjoy a consistently growing share of the corporate messaging software market."
Brilliant! Since anyone who’s fired up a web browser in the last two years knows that Microsoft products have been direct vectors for every major virus and spam flood that’s plagued the internet, that MS has had a terrible time getting their customers to upgrade off Exchange 5.5 servers, and that Lotus has seen their revenue from messaging reaching an all-time high, what better way to draw attention to the utter absurdity of anticipated growth from Microsoft than by saying it with a straight face!
On page 6, Ratty-Catty hits us with another wonderfully subtle bit of parody. Presenting a diagram for the Lotus strategy showing Domino’s future and Workplace’s future pointing towards the same point, as if to come together, they then describe the strategy as “dual migration.” What a lampoon! It really takes this kind of subtlety to appreciate the ridiculous way Microsoft has attempted to position Lotus’ strategy, carefully twisting “dual development” into “migration,” even while pointing the two development efforts at a point of convergence! Jonathan Swift eat your heart out!
As the report continues, it slips a little around page 7. Perhaps the authors got a bit too subversive here, as they say “The endpoint of this dual development strategy is the convergence of Domino and Workplace Messaging on the Workplace platform…” but wait a half page to hit the reader with “Lotus has committed itself to an aggressive dual migration path” and then another half page before dropping this whopper: “Lotus’ proposed Domino/Workplace migration path will vest Domino customers in a 3 to 4 year schedule of annual releases, which will involve costly database/application migrations, the deployment of WebSphere Portal and possibly lengthy professional service contracts.” Still, we must admire the careful switching from “convergence” to “migration” once again. Only the most astute reader is likely to get the dry humor to be found here.
Fortunately, we’re back on track by the end of page 8. Just about anyone can see the absurdity of a statement like “the regimen of on-going annual new releases of IBM Lotus software will place a significant strain on IT budgets, as well as user patience, as new features are deployed and tested.” One can almost feel the writer snickering as he typed such a sentence. Can you imagine what would happen if an executive took that seriously? Picture Dilbert’s PHB nodding sagely and remarking “yes, those regular software updates and improvements are devastating to our bottom line.” Hilarious!
Ratty-Catty doesn’t quite pull it off as they progress into the Microsoft strategy part of the report. Those familiar with Lotus’ offerings will still get a chortle out of some parts here, notably “Exchange Server 2003 relies on Microsoft’s Active Directory – a component of Windows 2000 and 2003, and supports a wide range of messaging protocols, including IMAP, POP and SMTP” and “Security was a top priority with Exchange Server 2003, and the platform features Kerberos Authentication, IIS 6.0 support, and inbound recipient filtering, as well as a new anti-virus API, providing ‘hooks’ for tight integration with third party anti-virus products.” But I really think the authors fell short on some missed opportunities here. After all, the average reader probably doesn’t realize that Domino has supported open messaging standards for nearly 7 years now, and that strong authentication and filtering options have been in Domino for the last 4 years. If you didn’t know that Domino was the far leader in these areas, how could you possibly appreciate the tongue-in-cheek nature of such a remark?
There’s some recovery by the end of page 10, though. Here, Ratty-Catty ventures into meta-satire, daring to make fun of their own report WITHIN the report! Very nice. Check out this line – “Microsoft provides customers with an efficient migration path, and the tools to make migrations to the new platform successful.” After interchangeably using “convergence” and “migration” to describe Lotus’ strategy, the authors give the thumbs up to “migration” strategies. The irony here might be lost on some, but I suspect most readers will manage to pick up on this humor.
Building up to a wonderful climax, Ratty-Catty just keeps them coming as the report progresses. “Exchange Server 2003 focuses on a more lucid, albeit less quixotic, set of features,” is a marvelous twist of language. Could Dickens have done better? I doubt it. How about “The company concentrates on the top priorities of today’s corporations, such as, spam, viruses…” when talking about a company who’s messaging client is the single biggest vector of spam and virus transmission in history? Few authors could pull off publishing such a comment without a string of smileys at the end. The self-control is incredible.
Can you imagine the icy nerves required to put “By offering periodic upgrades for Exchange, Microsoft is able to transparently deliver new features and introduce improved technology” and “IBM Lotus’ migration path is difficult to assess, due to the company’s complex strategy of annual Domino and Workplace releases” in the same report? Absolutely stunning! I almost missed their own self-satire here, until I caught the “complex strategy of annual… releases!” HAHA! As if we’d all forget when Christmas falls each year!
I won’t even bother to quote the bullets from the last page. Let’s just say that Ratty-Catty’s report builds to a satiric climax that would leave Mark Twain rolling on the floor. Those final five remarks will have even the driest eye in the house soaked with tears. Truly, this is a send-up not to be missed. And it appears that Sara Radicati’s sense of humor even extends to her website. Check out Ratty-Catty’s staff page here. She choose to use yearbook photos from her son’s 10th grade English class! Brilliant stuff!
Two thumbs up, Sara. It’s always refreshing to catch a laugh in an otherwise dull industry.
Comment posted by David Bell07/23/2004 03:47:36 PM
Always a good read Nathan....
Comment posted by Dovid07/23/2004 05:23:52 PM
*SO* droll, Nathan. But isn't it a little long? I didn't realize you were parodying yourself until you used that vector bit twice.
Anyway, for pithier drollness that then self-parodies by expanding itself without repeating, we shoudl all just continue responding to Ed. When the page grows to 3-4 times the number of words in the Ratty-Catty missive, we'll all be floating on syllabic bliss.
Comment posted by Nathan T. Freeman07/23/2004 07:36:15 PM
Cute, Dovid.
Comment posted by Heini07/24/2004 05:55:29 AM
I believe there is a lot of truth in the Radicati report but your story was worth a read although I do not agree (at all).
I know that I have a minority opinion here though. We will all meet again in 2008 now that we have everything on paper public websites.
Comment posted by Stephan H. Wissel08/01/2004 09:33:03 AM
Homepage: http://www.wissel.net
I think the report is VERY right in one point:
Annual software upgrades from Microsoft are PERCEIVED (on the pointy hair boss and Radicati analyst level) as delivering improvements etc. The IBM annual upgrades are PERCEIVED as complex strategy. It doesn't matter how it IS. IBM has improved a lot in their communication, but still needs a long way to go to beat the Microsoft marketing machine!
stw
Comment posted by Stephan H. Wissel08/01/2004 09:34:16 AM
Homepage: http://www.wissel.net
I think the report is VERY right in one point:<br />Annual software upgrades from Microsoft are <b>PERCEIVED</b> (on the pointy hair boss and Radicati analyst level) as delivering improvements etc. The IBM annual upgrades are <b>PERCEIVED</b> as complex strategy. It doesn't matter how it IS. IBM has improved a lot in their communication, but still needs a long way to go to beat the Microsoft marketing machine!<br /> stw
